How I Use Facebook Friend Lists

Why Use Lists

In real life we talk about different things with different friends. Conversations vary depending on who I’m with and our unique shared history.

I use Facebook in ministry. I work at a church. I accept friend requests from anyone who attends my large church. I don’t necessarily know them all well enough to want to let them into every corner of my family life. I do want to be able to share church-related information with them and invite them to church events. But my family and friends in Australia probably don’t need to hear details of an upcoming sermon series, or registering for Sunday school, or a collection for a local mission partner.

The answer for me is friend lists.

What Lists

These first two lists are the ones I use most related to ministry as a person of faith and as a member of a congregation … sharing things of a general inspirational value, and sharing the things my faith community is doing :

  • Close Friends (the built-in FB list, marked by a yellow star, but you pick who you put in it) is the people I share my family life with. I’m not ‘friends’ with them out of obligation or politeness or because I need to connect with them for work or some other organization I’m involved with. I would select this (or ‘all friends’) when posting more general inspirational posts that are not specifically congregation-related.
  • Local Area  is people who live in or near my town (use the default FB ‘MyTown MyState Area’ list or make a custom one if you want to include college students etc. who live somewhere else but still are connected to their hometown). This is the one I use for more ‘outreach’ posts, things that are not just relevant to attenders, but might be of general interest to anyone in the community … information about community events and local mission projects, ‘newsy’ stuff. I also use the same group to share information about the Local Roots Coop that I’ involved with.

Then I have these additional lists which are more specifically related to my work at the church, focused on those who are already connected to the congregation in various ways:

  • Church #1 is staff, council, and ‘core’ members. I mostly use this for ‘early’ event invites (when I first set up an event, and then invite others after a few people are already marked as ‘attending’). Occasionally also for a special request or something that is more relevant to this group.
  • Church #2 is anyone who is a current Zion member or attender. This is the one I mostly use for congregational ‘insider’ information … we need this volunteer or that donation etc. I don’t usually send friend requests to members I’m not otherwise connected to, but I always accept, so that I can add them to this list.
  • Church #3 is former Zion members. I don’t actually use this much for posts, rather mostly as a place to re-categorize them from #2 and keep that ‘clean’. Might sometimes use it in conjunction with other groups for things of general Zion or Buffalo interest.

Building Lists

  • You can find your existing lists at
  • To start a new list, click on Create List, give your list a name, and add a couple of people.
  •  To edit an existing list, click on the name of the list you want to manage and then on Manage List > Edit List.
  • Change the On This List dropdown to Friends, and then you can simply select and deselect who you want and then click Finish.

custom privacy screenshotPosting to Lists

When you want to share something with a particular list, use the audience selector. It is located to the left of the Post button on a desktop view, or as To: on some mobile views. The text on the link will vary based on what your default post audience is. It might be Public, Friends, Close Friends, or something different. When you click on the button you will get a list of options. It might be a complete list, or it might be an an abbreviated list with More as one of the options.

One of the options will be Custom, with a gear icon. If you click on Custom, you can combine and exclude lists and individuals. For example, I could specify to share a post with my Close friends+local people+church folks but maybe exclude the pastors (of course, this is just an example).

Be aware that once you start selecting audiences, you always want to double check what audience you last used and if you want to change it before you hit Post 🙂

Pinterest and the Interest Graph

If you don’t ‘get’ Pinterest, or if you love Pinterest but you’re not sure why, or if you’re just fascinated by the way networks work, you might enjoy this video in which Pinterest Co-Founder and CEO Ben Silberman discusses The Interest Graph at a Pinterest partner event.

The Interest Graph


If you don’t have 15 minutes to spare (you can skip the last 3), or your internet can’t handle video (I feel your pain), here are the highlights:

  • Great products give us a magical experience
  • Pinterest is about the questions that you can’t ask Google
  • Pinterest is less about searching and more about discovery
  • Collections are a way of organizing and making sense of the world around us and tell a lot about who you are
  • Pinterest puts our collections on the internet
  • The magic of Pinterest is the way your thing becomes linked to other things
  • Organizing the world’s objects in the way that makes sense to us can also be meaningful to others
  • Pinterest helps us organize things by interest and lets a single product travel through a network of interests and passions
  • The best way to discover things you love is through people who share your interests
  • Unlike many other social networks, which connect you to people you know, Pinterest excels in connecting us to like-minded people > which is one of the most interesting networks of all
  • Put away your device and go out and do some of the things you are discovering!

Great stuff! Now to find time to watch some more videos from this event

Notes on Social Media Part 2

Notes from breakout session #5 at Echo 2013

Communication Track > Mastering Social Media: Part 2 > Justin Wise

Many churches are feeling the pain of getting social media to work for them. Some even go to the trouble of investing resources to build a social media strategy. While this is helpful, the real value is having a plan in place for your all of your online content: web, social, and email. Starting with social is good, but backing up the bus to build a content strategy with all of these components is better. Learn how to increase church membership, increase revenue, and build a more effective website using the content you’re already creating.

Success is not measuring retweets / likes / shares

Success is building a bigger online audience and influencing them to take action.

  • Numbers do matter.
  • Geography doesn’t (as in “the geographical limits previously holding back a church’s mission is no longer an obstacle.”)

Social media strategy is the tip of a pyramid is based on what your church is all about (link below)
Big idea (local expression of the gospel) > content strategy (how you tell the story online) > email strategy (the single most effective way to engage people and drive them to online content) > social strategy

Create better stuff by knowing your audience and what they want.

  • Survey the audience to find out what channels they use and “what else would you like to tell us about?”
  • Sunday morning content is a huge source of original content in the congregation.
  • Each content piece is a relational contact point is an opportunity to build trust > Trust builds builders builds loyalty / loyalty builds results
  • Provide opportunities for online audience to commit
  • Call to action answers the question “what’s in it for me”

Justin’s weekly content schedule includes 3 blog posts / 84 tweets / 30 minute podcast / 2 eblasts

Content strategy includes balancing the organization’s needs with the audience’s needs > such as the 4-1-1 rule (link below)

A few links of interest

Notes on Social Media Part 1

Notes from breakout session #4 at Echo 2013

Communication Track > Mastering Social Media: Part 1 > Tim Schraeder

When Jesus said, “follow Me,” He didn’t just mean on Twitter. Social media presents some incredible opportunities for churches, parachurch organizations, and Christian leaders. We’ve never been more equipped with the means to reach more people with the Gospel and with this amazing opportunity comes a tremendous responsibility. In this session we’ll cover some basics about social media as well as providing a Biblical framework to approach how we do everything social media — from Twitter and Facebook, to Instagram and blogging and everything in-between. Whether you’re just starting out or need to refresh the basics, this session will help you to prepare to engage and connect with people… in 140 characters or less.

Tim worked at Park Community Church and now SomeCompany

With every cultural revolution that’s taken place, there’s been an accompanying message of the gospel.
The church website is more so the front door than ever, and social media = greeters

He told them, “You don’t get to know the time. Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses in Jerusalem, all over Judea and Samaria, even to the ends of the world.” ~ Acts 1:8

Social media isn’t the answer but we can use it to point people to the answer.
Its about creating online connections that foster offline community
What would it look like if we took the time to listen?

“The master said, ‘Then go to the country roads. Whoever you find, drag them in. I want my house full! Let me tell you, not one of those originally invited is going to get so much as a bite at my dinner party.’” ~ Luke 14:23

  • Mine content from Sunday messages to keep the message going
  • Post image slides on pinterest or instagram
  • Invite people to tell a story via video on instagram
  • Tweet the tweetable quotes and use your personal social networks to saturate the airwaves
  • People value authenticity and want to know who the pastor really is. It makes them more human and relatable.
  • Monitor instagram for posts made at the location (have to figure out how to do this)

What are you doing with the tools you have in your hands (phone)

Social media is the printing press of our generation and God wants to use it! ~ JeriKris_L

A few Links of interest

To Do:

  • Find ways to make mining Sunday message content more practical
  • Consider ways to use Instagram

Sorry Derrick

So one of the things I do at work is deal with the ‘general mailbox’ … including all the email that comes to non-existent users on our domain. Most days this includes various degrees of subscriptions and junk mail and outright spam sent to former employees who no longer have an active email account.

Today it was unsubscribing from Groupon emails being sent to a former coworker. I have my doubts about how effective unsubscribing from this one will be, but this is without a doubt the most brilliant unsubscribe confirmation page I’ve ever seen.


You guessed it … who can resist clicking on ‘punish Derrick’ just to see what will happen, and yes, it ends with a guilt-laden plea to resubscribe.

So, the user is going to think twice about unsubscribing. As the manager of a Mailchimp account I can certainly see the value in that. We regularly have users accidentally unsubscribe from our mailing list. I started to figure it out when a member of our congregational council wondered why she wasn’t getting the newsletter any more. Sure enough, Mailchimp showed that she had managed to unsubscribe herself. Now I occasionally go through the unsubscribe list to see if there are a few people I need to check in with to see if that was really their intent.

And, even if you did really mean to unsubscribe, I think it would leave the user with a more positive impression of the sender … as more human, with a sense of humor, than as a nasty spammer.

That is, assuming unsubscribing actually worked and I don’t get more email from Groupon tomorrow 🙂

Facebook Strategy – When to Post

One of my official work goals this year is develop a communication strategy. One part of that which I’m particularly interested in is Facebook strategy, and something I’ve seen mentioned many times is to be intentional about not just what you post, but when you post it.

I’ve finally found a place today where I feel enough breathing room to return to this blog post on exploring the timing of Facebook posts from “Gilligan on Data” that I must have bookmarked back in February. I don’t remember where I came across the link, Remember the Milk tells me I’ve postponed looking at it 56 times though 🙂

I exported my data as far back as I could go for the Zion Lutheran Church page (July 2011), which had to be done in several batches (there is a maximum of 180 days). I ended up with data for 813 posts, which I pasted into one spreadsheet.

As mentioned in the comments of the original post, the data columns tend not to match the template provided. I rearranged and added blank columns where needed into my data to make it match the template. I also had to add some blank columns in the template. Then I pasted the data as instructed into cell A8 in sheet 2.

That’s where it stopped working for me (I’m assuming because I have Excel 2003), and here’s how I proceeded:

  1. I sorted the data by Day of Week and edited the fields to make it sort in chronological order (1-SUN, 2-MON, 3-TUE, etc.)
  2. I did the same thing with Time of Day (1-Midnight to 6:00 AM, 2-6:00 AM to 9:00 AM, etc.)
  3. I sorted by Day of Week and Time of Day
  4. I subtotaled by change in Time of Day with averages for Total Reach and Engagement Rate and a count
  5. I manually transferred the counts and averages into sheet 3 (I also had to change the cell formatting from Custom to General to make the numbers show up)
  6. My own data had very few posts in the midnight-6am or 9pm-midnight time slots, and those that were there were frequently far higher or lower, so I grayed those out
  7. I averaged each week day (6am-9pm time slots) and each time period in each table, and graphed them
  8. I manually colored the Post Reach and Post Engagement boxes. Since I had no idea what the original scale was I used the following:
    1. Pink = below average for both the day and the time of day
    2. Green = above average for both the day and the time of day
    3. White = above average for one and below average for the other

Here’s what it looked like:

day and timeWhile I was playing with the data, I pulled out the 50ish worst and best posts (based on having the relatively lowest or highest reach and engagement).

  • I know that using photos is generally considered a good tactic, and every one of my best 50ish posts were photos. The majority were either albums of photos from events, or behind-the-scenes photos of staff, volunteers, and facilities projects.
  • Only two of the 50ish worst posts were photos. The majority were basic status updates, links, and videos.

best and worst

I also ran some subtotals by month so I could graph reach and engagement over time. I don’t think I learned a lot from this. Reach generally trended upwards (although it took a dip last fall / winter), and engagement is all over the place.

My new goals after this process:

  • Try some posts in the earliest and latest time slots which I haven’t used much
  • Be intentional about using the time slots that were above average for both the day and the time in both graphs
  • Keep posting photos, especially sets of photos soon after events, and behind-the-scenes photos of staff, volunteers, and facilities projects
  • Avoid links, unless they are attached to a photo

Beware your Friends of Friends

Earlier this week we had a speaker at church on Internet Safety: The Anti-social Side of Social Media. His focus was on the ways the internet can misused by the ‘bad guys’. In fact, an example of what he was talking about showed up in the news the very next day.

My takeaways from the presentation can perhaps be summed up by

  1. Know who your friends are (‘cull’ or ‘weed’ your list if needed),
  2. Set your privacy so only your friends can see information about you (more information about this one below),
  3. and (perhaps my favorite) ‘teenage boys are stupid‘ … in other words, if you send them something provocative it WILL be shared with people you don’t want it shared with. Once you post (or private message) something it is out of your control.

What the speaker did not cover so much was the how-to of managing your privacy, and I know that is something parents are looking for … so here are a couple of my suggestions:

Understand the Privacy Icons

Privacy IconsYou see them all over Facebook … including under posts, beside pictures, and at the bottom of the status update box. If you hover over them they will usually pop up a description. Before you can manage your privacy, you need to understand what the most common settings mean.

Public is simply everyone that uses Facebook. If a post has the globe symbol next to it, anyone can see it. If your friend posts a photo or status with a public setting, and you comment on that public item, your comment is also public. If you don’t want your comment to be public, don’t comment on public items.

Friends of Friends looks like 3 people, and is the most misunderstood setting. It doesn’t sound like a problem … we tend to relate to real life friends of friends (like coworker’s brother, or neighbor’s babysitter). Online, it is more like acquaintances of acquaintances, or even random connections of random connections.

Networks like this fascinate me (I recommend this Coursera class if you really want to dig deep) … bear with me a minute …

A user with with 100 friends is likely to have 27, 500 unique friends-of-friends (from this 2011 study, page 8). The average Facebook user has, according to this 2012 study, 245 friends. Take into account a phenomenon known as the friendship paradox, which says that your friends are likely to have, on average, more friends than you do (this holds true in real life, not just online). Add it all up, and the 2012 study found that a Facebook user’s friends-of-friends can easily number 31,000 (median) to 156,000 (average) or way more (of just 269 users in the study the maximum friends-of-friends found was over 7,000,000).

If you are posting something to friends-of-friends you probably should have a good reason for doing so. If you are commenting on a photo or status that your friend or a friend of your friend has set to friends-of-friends, then each of those friends of friends can see your comment.

Friends looks like two people, and is the people in your friend list. For many Facebook users this is a good default choice for their own posts. Do be aware though, that when you are commenting on a photo or status of your friend, and they have set their post privacy to friends, it is *their* friends who can see your comment.

Custom looks like a cog, and lets you specify friends who will be ale to see a particular post.

Use Privacy Settings

In many ways, Facebook does let you fine tune who can see the things you post. Click on the padlock icon at the top right of your page,  [Who can see my stuff], then [see more settings] to get to the privacy settings. Here are some details to check and tweak:

  1. Make sure [who can see your future posts] is NOT set to public or friends-of-friends. As mentioned above, friends, or possibly custom would be a good option. This becomes your default setting for future posts, you can still specify a different audience for particular posts.
  2. If you are in doubt about what you might have posted publicly in the past, click on [Limit the Audience for Old Posts on Your Timeline], [Limit Old Posts], and then [Confirm]. Be aware that his is a global change which can’t be undone in one click.
  3. Turn search engines off.
  4. Check your Activity Log. Everything listed here shows up some place on Facebook with your name attached to it. In some cases the Privacy icon on the right side will have a drop down menu to change the privacy right from the log or at least indicate what the audience is. In some cases the Edit icon on the right side will have options for you to delete or unlike or untag right from the log. You can also click the word [timeline], [status], [link], or [photo] on the left side to go to the item in question.
  5. Next, go to the Timeline and Tagging section (accessible from the left menu of the settings page) and turn on / enable [Review posts from friends…] if you have friends who might post something objectionable on your wall or tag you in a post or photo you wouldn’t want to be tagged in.
  6. Return to and click on [Edit Profile] under your name. When you click [Edit] on each box, you will find that each individual item has a privacy icon next to it. Work through each item and tweak the settings to suit your comfort level.
  7. Click on the padlock and [Who can see my stuff] again, this time click on [View As]. This will show you what your page looks like to a non-friend (such as a potential employer or creepy stranger). You can also click on [View as Specific Person] and enter any friend’s name at the top to see what they see.

Ignore the Hoaxes

I’m sure you’ve seen the posts … it usually goes something like ‘Hover over my name above. In a few seconds you’ll see a box that says “Subscribed”. Hover over that, then go to “Comments and Likes” and un-click it,” and how it will supposedly ‘limit hackers from invading our profiles‘.

Your friends probably mean well … but they don’t know what they are talking about. It doesn’t work that way, it doesn’t help anyone, and it leads your friends to think they’ve taken the proper steps to protect their privacy, when all they have really done is hidden your comments and likes from their own feed, and only their own feed. The actual culprit is that friends-of-friends privacy setting … if you don’t want your comments and likes showing up in the sidebar of strangers, check that privacy icon and don’t comment on or like posts that are set to friends-of-friends or public.

Read more here and here and here, and please, don’t repost this type of ‘warning’ unless you have checked it out and understand it. Pretty please.

Use Lists to Manage Friends

If you have a large number of friends you might want to manage them with lists. Lists allow you to easily publish content to selected friends. Keep in mind, you still don’t want to post the kind of thing that would embarrass you if it spread all over the internet, but some things might be of more interest to some friends than others. For example, you might have a ‘friends’ list and a ‘family’ list … in my case, I have a ‘Church’ list. I won’t go into all the details right now, but start with this help page.

About Tagging

tagging exampleThe comment was made at the presentation, that once you are tagged in a photo you cannot untag yourself. Well, this is partly true.

If you are tagged in the ‘normal’ way, you will be notified that you were tagged, your name next to the photo will be blue and linked to your profile (Angela and Steven in the example).

Here’s how you remove that tag (these instructions vary slightly with different views):

  1. Go to the photo in question
  2. Click on [Options] at the bottom
  3. Click on [Report/Remove Tag]
  4. Select [I want to untag myself]
  5. Click [Continue]

What happens sometimes is that someone who knows you but is not your Facebook friend can tag you by name without linking to your profile. In this instance your name net to the photo will be black and not linked to your profile. You won’t be notified, since it isn’t linked to your profile, and you can’t untag yourself, since it isn’t linked to your profile (Debra and Jason in the example). You probably won’t even know about it.

If you do find this, and it bothers you, I would suggest commenting (if you are able) or messaging the poster with a request to untag you … they are the only ones who can do so. If that doesn’t work and it is especially objectionable you could try the [I want this photo removed from Facebook] option under [Report/Remove Tag] (disclaimer … I’ve never tried this and I don’t know how effective that would actually be).

About Twitter

Kids (this is mostly for the youth) … I just want you to know three things:

  1. If you block someone (say @ZionYouth or your parents) from following you, but your account is not set to Protected … we can still navigate to your page and see your posts … and plainly see why you blocked us
  2. If you have multiple accounts, but both follow or are followed by the same friends … it probably isn’t accomplishing what you think it is.
  3. Before you update Twitter (or any other social network), think twice. Would you use that same foul language in person with your teachers, parents, employers and pastor? Have you considered how that same flirty comment intended for your friends or a cute classmate might be seen differently by some sleazy stranger? And before you retweet (or like), remember that  comment now shows up with your name next to it, as if you had said it yourself.

And the Links

Finally, here are two of the links mentioned at the presentation